Shawnmari Kaiser, LISW, LCSW
Why do challenges and change sometimes hurt so bad? The issue with challenges and change, I have come to understand, is that it comes with some form of struggle. And struggling is often experienced as suffering. And who likes suffering?? So how do we go about facing challenges or make changes we want in our lives and manage the suffering that comes along with it? The answer is, we see it as it really is.
We are born to develop, change, and grow. From the meeting of the sperm with the egg and the creation of the zygote we begin the miraculous process of evolution; the sometimes slow, gradual, and even painful process of change and development that ultimately leads to birth. But we know it doesn’t end there. From the point of birth an infant’s cells continue to divide, muscles, organs and bones grow and neurological connections begin the process of hardwiring as he or she adapts to their new environment.
Parents will actively engage the child to facilitate its development process. But it is the child that does the work. Try, fail, try, fail, try, fail as they struggle to learn to walk, talk, feed themselves, dress themselves, and on and on it goes through childhood. Infants rarely get discouraged when they are not able to do something the first time, or second time or twentieth time. They accept the struggle and keep trying until they succeed. They have not adopted a negative connotation to mistakes and they are not solely focused on the end goal, so they are able to enjoy the journey along the way. Parents play a large part in encouraging and praising each aspect of the journey with looks of excitement and sounds of praise and encouragement each moment the child makes an endeavor. Somewhere along the way excitement and encouragement were replaced with annoyance, frustration, anxiety, sadness and/or disappointment.
James encourages us when we meet trials of any kind to do so with joy because as we face challenges, we are growing in faith and perseverance. He encourages us to let the development of perseverance occur so we can be more mature in our faith. (James 1: 2-4).
When was the last time you responded with excitement and praise for the struggle of a challenge or developing a lifestyle change? When did you tell yourself, “Well done for trying, now try again!”? Let’s go back to our roots and enjoy the process of change and engaging in challenges, celebrating the moments along the way, as we endeavor toward a goal. Let’s be kind to our selves and cheer ourselves and others on when the challenge or change is difficult and long. Try it and enjoy the journey!
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